All Things Beautiful

been going out wit guy for 2 1/2 years now, had a bad history with him…abused me, cheated on me, has no respect for any women. But i fell in love with him then…. now I want to go away and start living my great live( im 20) but on the other hand i dont want to go, cause i know he needs me cause he has no one else cause of his behavior.He is kinda like my comfort zone. im a strong person, but this kinda gets me down, especially when im in a good mood(like i always am) and he brings it down with his anger, childishness or irritating sarcasm. he wants to go to iraq cause heis father organised work for him there and im studying beauty care and health and aromatherapy and im working 8-5 every day…. so i got alot of stress actually and i dont need this shit from him any longer. hi jealous, never laughing, and hates it when i talk to people in town-cause then he says that im having an affair with some1.please help, dont know what 2 do anymore. PS. my parents dont like him.This IS SERIOUS

Obviously you don’t seem happy with this jerk. This guy doesn’t sound like a good comfort zone!!! You need someone who makes you laugh and never cry, one who whispers in you ear and not yell in your face, one who treats you like a lady and not like an object. My advice is to leave him. You sound like a very energetic and positive person and this guy is draining all of that from you with his childlike behavior and immaturity. Since you are a strong person then you are strong enough to leave him. now with wourk you are going to need someone who supports you and this jerk doesnt look like he is going to. Leave him mami. God Bless

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I ger critised for it being clumsy and not flowing

This is from my essay on a beauty and aromatherapy course

"May possibly look at the use of complementary practises as they have been shown to be beneficial in assisting the reduction of stress students from the local college have expressed an interest in practising aromatherapy massage on volunteers to gain experience for themselves surely this is a win win scenario and such co ordination would come with in the remit of the post. Complementary alternative therapies are rarely regarded as having a role in therapeutic healthcare environments but, as people become exposed to them, they may regard them as beneficial to their wellbeing and so on are resulting in increased health " This is part of a 2500 word essay
Please can I have help in writing style

Your sentence structure isn’t consistent, and you use to many qualifiers in describing some things. I know that sounds like "umm…what" but I’ll give you an example:

"May possibly look at the use of complementary practises as they have been shown to be beneficial in assisting the reduction of stress…"

"May possibly" is redundant. You only need to use "May" or "possibly" but not both.

you can drop the word "been" and the words "in assisting the" and change reduction to "reducing"

I think this is what your paragraph should look like.

May look at the use of complementary practices as they have been shown to be beneficial in reducing stress. Students from the local college have expressed an interest in practicing aromatherapy massage on volunteers to gain experience for themselves. Surely, this is a win-win scenario as such co-ordination would come with a remit of the post.(not sure what a remit of the post is, you may want to be sure that is clarified better) Complementary alternative therapies are rarely regarded as having a role in therapeutic healthcare environments but, as people become exposed to them, they may regard them as beneficial to their well-being and contributing to increased health "